


TSSM Day 15

by MaybeDefinitely404



Series: Soulmate September [15]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, Depression, Food, Guilt, M/M, feeling like a burden, feeling responsible for others' well being, mention of transphobia, self deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28869009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaybeDefinitely404/pseuds/MaybeDefinitely404
Summary: It is impossible to lie to your soulmate.For who even knows how long, Patton's been the one to be there for everyone else, and he's gotten pretty good at lying when he feels like the world is collapsing on him. It only takes one interaction with a near stranger to unravel everything he's so carefully kept hidden.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Soulmate September [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2116602
Kudos: 54





	TSSM Day 15

**Author's Note:**

> Word Count: 2.7k

Patton was the Dad Friend, no doubt about it. The Therapist Friend, the Emotionally Available Friend, the Go-to After a Breakup Friend.

And usually, he loved it. He loved his friends more than he could ever say, and nothing made him feel better than helping other people. Feeling needed validated him, and maybe that wasn’t an attainable mindset, but it was his assigned role in the group, and at this point it was too late to change that. Virgil was the anxious mess who kept them from doing anything too stupid, Roman was the adventurous, let’s-go-to-McDonalds-at-3am one, and Patton was… Patton was there to pick up the pieces. 

He was good at it, too. He always seemed to be able to find the right comforting words, the right advice, give the longest hug, and _obviously_ make the best cookies. He was a first choice when things got hard. He was the inevitable destination when someone was upset or hurt or just not doing well.

The only thing that sucked was that that _usually_ meant no one was there to return the favor. Sure, they offered that if he ever needed some solid comfort, they’d be there to give it, and they’d love him no matter what, but he wasn’t the type to burden others. Patton still felt that pit in his chest that threatened to grow until it pushed his heart against the side of his ribcage and crushed it. It was a horrid mix of nausea and emptiness and a brain stuffed with cotton, and an overwhelming need to cry but equal parts emotionlessness. But it couldn’t possibly be _that_ bad… he was still functioning, right? As long as he could hide it with a smile, he wouldn’t put that heaviness on the people he loved most.

“-ton? Patton!” 

Patton yelped, blowing quickly on the pot of pasta that was just about to boil over. He pulled it from the element, setting it on the stove for a moment to cool down, and lowered the heat, breathing a sigh of relief. 

“Sorry, got lost in thought. What were you saying, Ro?”

Roman blinked a few times, as if trying to remember himself. “Oh! Check it out, is he cute or nah?” He shoved his phone into Patton’s face, watching as the older inspected the Tinder profile with a furrowed brow.

“I guess, but it also says in his bio that he won’t date trans men, and that’s not great.”

Eyes wide, Roman whipped the phone back and scanned the page, before his lip quirked in distaste, “Yikes. Didn’t see that. _Next_.”

He swiped the suitor away and hopped onto the counter, continuing his search. In recent years, it had become less and less taboo to date someone that wasn’t your soulmate. Now, pretty much just the older, traditional generations were the ones who harped on the young folks for not waiting for The One. Patton figured it came down to personal choice; if Roman wanted to date others until he met his soulmate (or maybe even meet his soulmate _through_ dating), that was great. He’d offered to make him a profile on the dating app, but Patton had been unsure of where he himself stood on the issue, so he’d politely turned it down.

“Whatcha making, Pat?” Virgil yawned, walking into the kitchen and sitting on the opposite counter from Roman, keeping Patton as a barrier between them. Even though they’d all been roommates for the better part of a year, they still had a playful rivalry that had become their dynamic. Patton knew they didn’t _actually_ hate each other, and that was the only reason he didn’t hold an intervention.

“Tuna casserole. Found a new recipe.”

“Ugh, that means I have to clean a casserole dish?” Roman lamented, finally putting his phone down by the sink. It was the roles they’d set up a long time ago; Patton cooks, Roman does the dishes, and Virgil vacuumed and dusted the whole house once a week. At first they’d tried to use one of those little ‘chore charts’ that families would stick to their fridges, but too much trading off chores had led to the system they had now anyways, and they’d scrapped it. 

“Hey, so, I actually had a question,” Virgil interrupted before Roman could continue his melodramatic complaining, “I met this guy in my astronomy class, Logan-”

“Ooooooh-”

“Roman, shut up. Not like that.”

Patton forced a slightly pained smile as he turned his attention to the two of them, letting the food rest of a moment. 

“Anyways, we got paired together for this project, and the guy sitting next to me was all ‘ooh, that sucks. Better luck next time,’ and I asked what he meant and he said that he’s kind of known for being an outsider. Has a temper, loses his marbles if you mess up the project, all that stuff.”

“Doesn’t sound great,” Patton mused, leaning back against the stove.

“Thing is though, once we started working together, he was actually really cool? Like yeah, he got upset when our slideshow glitched, but it was more of a ‘okay, this sucks, how do we fix it’ reaction.”

Roman had leaned forward on his knees, chin cupped in his propped hands. Stories with boys were really the only kind that caught his attention like this. He rolled his finger in a ‘hurry up’ motion.

“I’m getting there, relax. So I was in the caf earlier today, and he was sitting in the back all alone, and since I didn’t have anyone to sit with either, I asked if the spot was free. And he was… shocked. Like, genuinely shocked. And it occurred to me that he literally has no friends, so I asked, and he confirmed.”

“You just asked him if he had friends?”

“Well, I was more tactful than that, you idiot.”

“Play nice, you two.”

“So he’s actually really chill, and funny in a sort of weird way, and super smart, and lonely, so…”

“So…” Roman encouraged mockingly.

“CanIinvitehimtomovienight?”

Patton’s smile immediately became genuine, his sunshiney exterior overshadowing Roman’s scrutiny by a wide margin. “Of course! That would be so cool!”

“Movie night is a tradition, though,” Roman muttered. Virgil’s anxious expression, which had faded away with Patton’s confirmation, came back ten fold. 

“Well, if we all like him, he can become _part_ of the tradition!”

“And if you’re your usual, cynical, judgmental self, we just don’t have to invite him again.”

“Virgil!”

“I am _not_ judgmental!”

“You two work this out in the living room. I have a casserole to make,” Patton shooed, knowing they wouldn’t actually do anything to hurt each other, and the both grumbled as they hopped off their respective counters and left the room, still arguing. 

Despite the way their argument quickly derailed into a nonsensical disagreement on what movie to watch, both of them trying and mostly failing to stop their laughter, Patton couldn’t join in the fun. All he could feel was the way the hole in his chest had widened, and even though his best friends were literally a room away, he’d never felt more lonely. 

—————————————–

Movie night was always the highlight of Patton’s week. It was a homework and vegetable free zone, so the whole night was popcorn and M&M’s and hot chocolate, cuddles under fluffy blankets and the promise of sleeping in the next morning. It was the stress reliever they all needed in the sometimes overbearing university schedule. 

Having a new person somehow lessened his excitement of the night.

He’d been so ready to meet Virgil’s friend a few days ago, when it had just been a vague idea in the near future. But he’d woken up _off_ on Friday morning, and knew instantly that what he _needed_ was a quiet evening with cartoons and snuggles. He had a feeling it would be slightly more awkward with what could be considered a platonic third wheel, and he’d have to keep up his Good Host Vibes and not give in to the comfort he wanted so badly.

Why did he have to be the mature one of the group?

He was just pouring two bags of popcorn into four bowls when the front door opened and Virgil’s cautious voice announced his presence. Roman glanced up from his phone from where he was perched on the counter once more, give Patton a _‘here we go’_ look before leaping off to greet their guest.

“Guys, this is Logan. That’s Patton, and the dumbass that was sitting on the counter is Roman.”

At first glance, Patton was prone to agree with the classmate’s original warning; outsider, possibly temperamental, cold and calculating. He was taller than Virgil by a few inches, eyes dark and narrowed as he took in the room, face not returning the smiles that the other two offered. His outfit choice was unusual for a movie night, too. A button up black shirt, blue jeans, and a tie, in harsh comparison to their near pajama level ware. Patton wondered if the tie especially was part of his everyday life, or if… maybe he’d tried to dress up for this?

It took more than a few seconds for him to notice that his expression, while able to be read as aloof and uncaring, also seemed just a little uncomfortable. Like he was unused to being invited to someone’s house, like he wasn’t sure what to do with his hands so he simply folded them across his chest, like he wasn’t sure if he should take his shoes off so he didn’t move from the doorway. And if that didn’t activate Patton’s ‘care for others’ mode, nothing would.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Logan!” Like the absolute dad he is, he stuck out his hand, grinning ear to ear. The guy was wearing a _tie_ , a handshake was probably the safest way to introduce himself.

Apparently it was the right move, because Logan’s eyes lit up slightly and he took Patton’s hand, his posture easing up. “You as well, Patton. How are you?” It was a simple greeting, a (probably) meaningless polite gesture.

_“I’m awful!”_

The room went quiet at his outburst as the other three froze, Virgil spinning around from where he’d been hanging up his jacket and Roman nearly dropping the bowl of candy cradled in his arms. Patton’s heavy breathing was the only sound in the room; small, panicked gulps for air. Roman gently set the bowl back on the counter, reaching out a tentative hand.

“Pat…?” 

Patton tore his hand away from Logan’s as if he’d been burned, eyes shifting to the other three in the room. “I- I don’t… I don’t know why… I didn’t-” He looked back at Logan, only to regret it a moment later, “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant to say, _but it was the truth. I’m doing so badly, and I feel like I have no one to go to because I’m always the comforter and-_ ” 

He slapped his hand over his mouth when the words wouldn’t stop, flooding from his lips. They were very much not what he had been planning to say, twisting into the opposite as he spoke them. The truth.

“I believe we are soulmates,” Logan said quietly, “And therefore, you are unable to lie to me. I apologize for causing this.”

“It’s not your fault, L,” Virgil whispered. He couldn’t take his eyes off Patton, who’s hand was still glued to his own mouth, face contorted with panic. 

“I think it would be best if I left.” 

Patton wanted to disagree, insisting he stay for the night he’d been invited to, but he wouldn’t be able to if he tried. As much as it twisted his stomach to realize, and even if this guy _was_ his soulmate (there was no real ‘if’ to it, though), all he wanted was his friends. He didn’t want to worry about meeting this new person; didn’t want their first interaction to be one of one sided comfort, and most of all.

Logan took the pen from his chest pocket and delicately took Patton’s hand with a featherlight touch, and when he didn’t resist, scribbled his number on his hand.

“Whenever you feel up to it, text me. Alright?” He seemed to be holding his breath. Was he afraid Patton would reject him? 

The shorter nodded his head and finally removed his hand from his mouth, bidding his soulmate a good night as he closed the door behind him. _His soulmate._ Not how he was expecting the night to go, he’d admit.

“Patton…”

He turned from the door, meeting Virgil’s eyes, and just broke. Huge sobs shook his shoulders as they both swept him up into a hug, and he clung to them like he was drowning. Apologies slipped past his lips, only to immediately be drowned out by the two of them shushing him, over and over. A hand came up to run through his hair and he leaned that much more onto them, his regret and guilt only being overruled by his immense relief. 

“I wish you would have told us, Pat,” Roman whispered. Not an accusation, not a condemnation, just pure heartbreak. 

“When did this start?” Virgil asked, the first to pull away from the hug so he could look into Patton’s eyes. He only shrugged pathetically, bringing up a sleeve to wipe off his face.

“A while ago. I don’t remember exactly.” 

Virgil shook his head and leaned back into the hug, “I feel like shit for not noticing.”

“You can’t blame yourself if I didn’t want you to know. I was hiding it.” He laughed breathlessly, finally growing a bit too warm in the group hug, and pulled away. Roman furrowed his brow.

“You don’t have to hide this from us, Pat. We love you.”

He immediately wanted to argue back. Because yes, he _did_ have to hide it, otherwise it would just be a burden on them. It wasn’t his job to be the hurt one, it was his job to be happy, it was his responsibility to make sure everybody else is okay, and he can come second. Just your happy pappy Patton.

“Okay,” Virgil sighed, taking Patton’s hand in his own, “I know when somebody needs to shut their brain off for a while. How about, movie night as scheduled, and we’ll talk about it tomorrow?”

Now _that_ was a good offer. He gave them both a watery smile and a quiet thank you, following Virgil to the couch as Roman grabbed their snacks. Just as Virgil pulled a fuzzy blanket over him and let Patton nestle into his side, their final roommate entered with all five bowls balanced precariously on his arms, grinning like a mad man.

“Prince, if you drop my snacks, I’m going to dump cold water on you in your sleep.”

“I am a waiter, my dear-” Whatever creative insult that was to follow was cut off as one of the popcorn bowls clattered to the floor. “See, that’s why it’s good we had a spare one.”

Patton groaned, ducking his face into Virgil’s side, “Oh gosh, I just made maybe the worst first impression on Logan.”

“Wasn’t all that bad,” He said, his voice resonating through his chest where Patton had placed his head, almost like a purr, “He gave you his number.”

“Sheer politeness. What if he secretly hopes I don’t text, or-”

“Nope, nu uh! Brain is shutting off, remember? We’re going to watch Anastasia, and Roman is going to eat his popcorn off the floor-”

“Hey!”

“And then we’ll fall asleep on the couch and worry about it tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal,” Patton groaned. The couch sank as Roman took his spot by Patton’s shins, lifting them onto his lap and splaying himself over the eldest. He handed out their snack bowls as Virgil pressed play, the opening song filling the room.

“I love you guys.”

“We love you too, padre.”

“Seconded.”

Soulmates were a given part of their lives. It was as integrated into their lives as drinking water, a fact of life that they were just entangled in. Never had he questioned it, and never had he doubted it. He was sure him and Logan would hit it off, and they’d be happy together in whatever form that ended up being in. 

But sometimes he was also convinced that maybe, just maybe, not all soulmates were predestined. Because he found these two idiots with no sign or help from the universe, and if he’d ever wondered if they were platonic soulmates before, now he was certain.


End file.
